Exercise Schmexercise

Sweaty post-run game face!

Believe it or not, I have always been a fairly active person.  I started modern dance classes at the age of about 5 or 6 and have continued that my entire life.  I ran track in elementary and middle school.  I went to summer gymnastics camp and was on the gymnastics team through 9th grade when I switched to drill team in the marching band.  Maybe I was the chubbiest kid on the team or whatever, but I still participated and had a great time doing so.

You know, people have many different reactions to the events of September 11th.  One of my clients said that on 9/11 she figured that since we clearly have no control over our future, we may as well eat as much as we want.  That's one way of looking at it, but I had the opposite reaction.  I lived in NY on 9/11 and knew people who literally ran for their lives.  They climbed down 80 flights of stairs, they carried injured people in their arms, they ran an all-out sprint as Hell came down on their heads.  As I sat there listening to the survivors tell their stories, I felt my heart turn to ice.  I was a 220lb diabetic.  I would not have been able to run away.  No one would have been able to carry me either.

When I decided it was time to lose weight several months after that event, I could barely walk to the mailbox and back.  I began by walking in place during tv commercials.  That was exhausting and embarrassing.  But I stuck with it.  After awhile I began to walk outside, then slowly added jogging, and 18 months later, here's me still smiling after 2 hours and 13.1 miles!

When I crossed the finish line, I happened to be all alone because I was miles behind most everyone else and my son shouted in wonder "Mommy, you WON!"

During my run this morning, I began formulating this post and decided to tell you WHY exercise rocks and why you should be doing it if you're not already.  And yes, this list is in order of importance:


1.  Endorphins
I'm an endorphin junkie.  I admit it.  Some of us are born like this.  And if I hadn't gotten a D in Neuropsychology I would be able to tell you why.  (And a mercy D at that due to the fortunate nepotistic fact that the professor had been a doctoral student of my Dad's and he just couldn't believe I was quite that stupid.)


I work out, I get high.  Simple as that.  True, I could eat a box of cookies and achieve the same effect, but exercise makes my butt look good and cookies don't.  My sneakers are the hypodermic needles and the road is my juice.


If you're the type who has other addictions, ie to food, you are likely to be the type who will get an endorphin high from exercise.  Want to know how I bring it on?  I work really hard and get out of breath and then I slow my breathing way down.  Two or three deep breaths and I'm singing The Carpenters at the top of my lungs and blubbering over the beauty of the world. 


2.  There are good looking guys at the gym
Yes, I am this shallow.  I'm also happily married, but hey, I'm not dead.  Super fit women are inspiring too, but unfortunately, they're a rarity.  So see, it's not a perverted sex thing.  I just am heavily inspired by the well-taken care of human body at it's peak of fitness and beauty.  You are too, no use denying it.


3.  I get to eat more
Simple math here.  Expend alot of calories and you can eat them back and still be in caloric deficit.  I could never fit cake into my life without gaining if I wasn't regularly working out.  I like cake.


4.  Me Time
Sixty glorious minutes without mommy this and honey that.  MY favorite music blasting in my ears and no one complaining that South Pacific is totally lame.  One hour to get lost in my daydreams of being 17  years old and having to choose between a beautiful vampire and a hot werewolf.  Maybe I am confessing a little too much?


5.  Problem Solving
Every idea I have EVER had in my life, has come to me during a run.  I can sit in front of this computer for HOURS of mind-numbing writer's block or stuck on some stubborn problem but 10 minutes into a run I am having breakthrough after breakthrough.  Getting married, going back to school, moving to Israel, having babies...  blame it all on the Nikes.


6.  The Regular Stuff
Strong heart, low blood pressure and cholesterol, good blood sugar, lubricated joints, flexible muscles, depression banished, body trim and toned, skin firm and smooth, confidence built, pride activated, and if I need to outrun anything, the knowledge that I CAN.

7.  It's fun
If it's not fun, you're doing the wrong kind of exercise.  You will be working out for the rest of your life so it'd better be a good time...

See, I told you there are cute guys at the gym!

OMG, if he sees this I'm dead.

You should see him in his spinning shorts!

Run, Walk, Swim, Bike, Spin, Dance, Tennis, Golf, Basketball, Soccer, Ski, Skate, Lift Weights, Stretch, Yoga, Jump-rope, Kettle Bells, Body Weight Exercise, Pilates...  SO many choices. Don't let me catch you saying "But I don't LIKE exercise!" There's got to be something you at least don't hate.


A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. ~Joan Welsh

The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, "If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down." ~Rita Rudner

If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise. ~Author Unknown

My always ready, not fat, running partner.

I've Got Butterflies in My...

I finally had my appointment last night with the Gastroenterologist and that was the official diagnosis:

"Butterflies in Tummy"

No, that's my SELF diagnosis.  His was more medically accepted:  An infection that damaged the stomach lining. 

I am getting better.  I asked him the question so many of you ask me:  How could a person as health conscious as me, get so sick for so long?  He replied that the speed at which I have recovered is actually quite remarkable.  I guess it's all how you look at a thing.

But I want to run with the whole butterfly metaphor for a minute if you don't mind. 

Back when I was in the midst of the 100-Day Vegan Challenge, I tried to express that something was happening to me on the Spiritual Plain, that I didn't quite understand or know how to explain.  I felt, like I was, well, turning inside out.

And then I got sick.

And while sick, I had this deep need for turning my energy inward, getting quiet, circling my wagons, being still....

Sound like anything familiar?

We all know that when the caterpillar enters the cocoon, he rests there before undergoing his metamorphosis.  But did you know that he actually turns to MUSH??  His entire body dissolves before it re-forms.  Ick, right?

Well, that resonates pretty strongly with me right now - the icky mush thing.  I'm still in it, but I do feel that I am slowly solidifying and that the person who cracks out of this thing will be very different than the person who went in 4 months ago.

Do you guys think that's totally weird?  Well, too bad.  It's my blog and I will babble on mystically as much as I want, because GUESS WHAT?  I've got even more to say and it turns out that being fully who I am and not apologizing for it, is an enormous part of all this!

You see, one of the healing modalities I study is the Chakra system.  Chakras are energy wheels that run along the center of the body.  There are seven of them and if one gets unbalanced, energy gets stuck in that area and causes emotional, physical and spiritual problems.

The 3rd Chakra is the yellow one up there called Solar Plexus.  It's located right over the stomach, right up there high center abdomen.  You can find it by putting your three middle fingers right in the soft spot where the sternum ends.

For four months, as I have traveled from doctor to doctor, they have all asked me "Show me where it hurts"and I point exactly to the center of my 3rd Chakra.  Do you want to know what the 3rd Chakra represents?  OK, I will tell you anyway:

3rd chakra = The Seat of One's Personal Power  3rd chakra directly affects one's ability to project their will into manifestation. (Holy Yoga Batman! This is exactly what I have been struggling with!)  This center is one that is constantly challenged in humanity . The majority of people are constantly having their power chakras challenged whether it be at work, in our relationships, or simply within ourselves. Power struggles are constant in our daily grind. An under active third chakra can lead to a true feeling of powerlessness. An over active 3rd center can be just as detrimental as an under active one and may result in the over powering of others, typically for selfish desire.


The root of this problem stems from not transferring the energy of the 3rd center up through the heart center. The power that stems from the third chakra, balanced in love will lead humanity to a grand state of peace and well being.  The 3rd center is commonly associated with the “core” balancing activities that many aerobics focus on. The focus on this core, or power center, allows people to feel in control of their own destiny.

As it is located in the belly it is also tied into the digestive system.  When the 3rd chakra opens, there can be tremendous emotional upheaval. Lots of painful unconscious material can erupt. Vomiting, diarrhea, stomach cramps, nausea and other digestive troubles can accompany this opening.  The newly unfolding 3rd chakra can make one emotionally and psychically hypersensitive.

(Source)

So why blather on about all of this butterflies and yoginis and bright balls of yellow light?  Because it illustrates perfectly what I do for a living.  When a client comes to me they often have some sort of physical complaint: over-weight, poor digestion, fatigue, bloating/gas, high cholesterol...  and what is happening to them physically is never just about the physical.  We see Western doctors to heal our bodies and believe you me, when I am sick I want an MD to help me get better!  But beyond the cure of symptoms they offer, is the root of the problem, which unless addressed, will just keep manifesting in a variety of ways.

I don't suppose it's always about chakras, but when I look this kind of thing up for people, they are usually pretty surprised at how well it matches up with what they know to be true inside.

So, me?  I am happy now to just hang out here in my mushy cocoon, doing my sit-ups and core work, channeling the 3rd chakra energy up to the 4th - the heart - and when I'm done, something really cool is going to emerge.  So, I hope you'll stay tuned!

Oh, Eminem!

OK, I have to redeem my hipness after leaving you with 20-year old disco in that last post.  I like all kinds of music really, and actually depend on music quite a bit for inspiration.  In fact, one of the tips I give to clients is to listen to an inspirational, pumped up, positive, motivating song each day.  And downloading new music onto Gumby, my ipod, is quite often my best reward for getting things done.  (Some of you know why my ipod is named Gumby and that involves an amazing motivational story too, but sadly one I did not get the author's permission to re-print.  I'd be happy to send it via email, just ask).


Anyway...


Today my new music download included a new song by Eminem.  The song is called "Not Afraid" and it ties in so beautifully to that last post on fear that when I heard it during my run this morning, I started to cry.  Or maybe I started to cry because it was so hot my sneakers had melted to the asphalt?  I'm not sure which, but I am sure that I LOVE THIS SONG!  If I was a rapper I would have written these exact same words.

WARNING:  This song has more unbelievable profanity in it than I have ever heard in a song.  If you don't like swear words, do NOT play the song!!! 

The link is here to a record review, scroll down for the video because it's not up on youtube yet and I think I'm not allowed to post it.


My absolutely favorite lyrics are when he says he has to excise his demons and the MFers are doing jumping jacks.  My demons do jumping jacks too!  Eminem and me, same-same.


"Not Afraid" will be the my ANTHEM for Summer 2010.  Last Summer's Anthem (which sort of lasted the entire year) was "Spotlight" by Mute Math because it was just so Edward and Bella and because of these lyrics:


"You know the one thing you're fighting to hold, is the one thing you've got to let go."


A-MEN!!!



And one more folks, Snow Patrol's "Just Say Yes"



This is the song I play before I give a speech, before meeting a new client for the very first time, and generally before doing something I feel fear / hope about.


"Just Say Yes
Just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test
Nor a trick of the mind, only Love"



What are your favorite songs and lyrics?  What part does music play in your life?

Flat Out Fear

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."  -Franklin Delano Roosevelt, First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933


So to quickly recap the last 2 posts, (here and here):


1.  Step One
Understand on a deep and complete level that how you look and feel at this very moment is TOTALLY the result of your day-to-day thoughts, actions and habits.  You are not over-weight because of your slow metabolism, or your thyroid, or your sugar addiction or your eating disorder, but rather because of how you behave in the FACE of those problems.  Each of those very real problems, has a solution.  There is help readily available to get you past those and any other weight-related issue.  If you are still allowing those or any other issue to stop you, then you are not fully taking responsibility and do not completely see the connection between what you do and what you get as a result.


If you are saying "but, but, but..." stay here and keep working.  There is nothing wrong with you and you are not "bad"!  You are just here at this stage, that's all.  If you try to jump into action from this stage you will probably end up doing the Yo-Yo Dance.  Keep working here until you make the connection (ie, blammo).


(If you get it but need help finding the solutions, that's what I'm here for.  Email me and make an appointment:  Emily@TriumphWellness.com)


2.  Step Two
Motivation.  Why do you want to change and why do you not want to change?  What is your big"Why"?  Is your "Why" exciting enough to carry you past the obstacles or will you crumble the moment you hit resistance?


If you are one of the many who say "I know what I need to do and I know why I want to do it, but I just don't do it" then you need to spend some time working in step two.  Changing long-held habits and beliefs takes strong, unwavering effort.  If you don't want it badly enough, hang out here working on this until you do.  When I have clients stuck at this place I try to get them emotionally aroused about the situation. I take them through a meditation that zooms them out through the years so they can feel what it will be like 5, 10, 20 years down the road of no change. It's a little ow-ey but it usually works.


Sometimes you just need a hand at this stage with implementation, consistency and accountability.  Maybe you are stuck on meal planning, organization, finding the time to get it all done, finding healthy food you actually like to eat, or exercise you actually like to do.  Or maybe your sugar/food addiction is really kicking your butt and you could use some extra-strength Fighter Power.  Again, that's what I do.  Email me or hire a coach or get a buddy, whatever.


So, how about this scenario:  You totally understand the connection between behavior and result, you have a totally scintillating "why" and are all jazzed up and ready to change your life....  and then... you don't.  What the heck could be wrong now?!  Please meet...


3.  Step Three
Face the FEAR.  Friends, it is called a "Comfort Zone" for a reason.  Stepping out of it is downright frickin fracken uncomfortable.  Go re-read that FDR quote up there:  fear is "...terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."


Are ya just plain scared out of your wits?  Heck yes!  I know I am most of the time.


This is starting to sound like an ad for 1-800-CALL-ME, but seriously, having someone to stand in that fear with you, to keep whispering in your ear "I know you can do it", well, it can make all the difference.  I mean, how many of us would have gotten through child-birth, the single most scary thing in the world, without a helpful nurse, midwife, spouse, partner, mother, friend?  No one expects us to go it alone where birthing babies is concerned, but we isolate ourselves when birthing our dreams.  Why is that?


There are generally two kinds of fear at this stage:  Fear of Failure and believe it or not, Fear of Success.


The first one is pretty obvious.  If you are like most people, you have already failed at this a bunch of times and the thought of failing again doesn't exactly inspire action.  Ask yourself "what's the worst thing that can I happen" and you will hear answers like "I will end up even fatter." or "I cannot bear the heart-break of losing this weight only to gain it back again."


Yup, it sure is safer to stay put.  Nothing ventured, nothing lost.  This is the point where I myself was trying the chunky necklaces and colorful neck scarves, remember?


Do you hear that little voice whispering "not me, not me, not me"?  Listen closely and see if you can hear it?  There's always my pal Tony Robbins to help with this one...


The fear of success is more subtle.  I mean, what if you DO succeed at weight loss?  What if you get to your goal weight?  Can you handle it?  People are going to look at you differently, people you don't even know are going to treat you differently (yes, they will!).  If your weight has been your main problem for 30 years and then the problem is solved, are you going to be able to cope with that vacuum?  If you have always seen yourself as fat and un-sexy, how are you going to feel when guys check you out, approach you, whistle at you? 


A lot of women I meet have gained their weight following a sexual assault or experience, or a frightening illness, or a traumatic event.  The fat has been their security blanket.  They are about as willing to drop the blanket as a 2-year old is to drop that tattered scrap he clings to.  One of my mentors used to say that taking off the fat suit is like standing in front of a giant fan with no skin on.  Not for the faint of heart.


Well, the funny thing about Fear is that it's only scary until we face it.  Face Fear down and it'll turn tail and run home crying to it's mama.  The only way out of this one is THROUGH.  Maybe it's time to pull on your big girls pants, take a deep breath and give your fears the what-for.


Now, close the door, turn the speakers up, click the link and send that Fear packing!  (The sight of me dancing to Gloria Gaynor is about as scary as it gets).

So what was my Blammo anyway?

I received a lot of questions about yesterday's blog post:


1.  When did Blammo happen?
2.  How did it happen?
3.  What was it exactly that you did then that you hadn't been doing before?


I can tell you exactly when, where, and what my Blammo were because that day is etched quite clearly in my brain.  Sit down little children and granny will tell you a story:

220lbs.  Leftover Gestational Diabetes that has taken on a life of it's own long after the baby has left the body.  Lots of binging on sugar.  Lots of Emotional Eating.  Although I knew I was really fat, I couldn't really understand what everyone else was making such a fuss over?  Did I really look THAT different?


But what could I do?  Every time I tried to diet I would end up binging even more and getting even fatter so I knew that was no solution.  Exercise wasn't really an option because everything hurt.  I had plantar fascitis in my feet, my knees and hips were always sore, I had the cardio capacity of a marshmallow.


The dialogue in my head went something like this:
"I am too tired to fight this anymore.  Nothing works.  Seeing as I have been some degree of over-weight almost my entire life, maybe this is just how my body is?  Maybe I am fighting a useless battle?  I will always be big, so maybe it is time to accept that and make the best of it."


I did not know it then, but I had just hit rock bottom.  Rock bottom doesn't always feel bad.  Actually I felt pretty good at that moment of surrender.  Like when suicidal people finally set a date for their suicide and their loved ones later report how happy they seemed in the days that led up to their deaths.


It turns out that Surrender is the KEY here actually to what was about to happen.  When you Surrender, your defenses go down.  When your walls are down you can hear things that maybe you were unable to hear before.

I went off to the Library.  As far as I am concerned, The Library contains all the answers anyone could ever seek.  That day, I was looking for books on Fat Acceptance.  If I was going to be fat, heck yeah, I would do it in style.  I sat there pouring over pictures of smiling overweight models in chunky necklaces and brightly colored scarves and wondering if there was anyone in the world who really believed that "drawing the eye upwards" could disguise the fact that 200lbs lurked below the neck.


A growing sense of discomfort was stirring in my soul.  This little tiny voice was whispering "not-me-not-me-not-me...."


I scooped the books up intending to check them out for a closer look at home.  On the way to the circulation desk, something drew me aside to the Self-Help section.  Tony Robbins was leering out from the cover of his latest book.  I chuckled and thought "do people really read that stuff?"  My hand is reaching for it, I am opening it, I flip randomly to a page and feel the hair stand up on the back of my neck.  Find an empty carrel, drop the fat books in a heap, take out a sheet of paper and a pen and start working through an exercise called "who do I want to be" or some such.


For about an hour I wrote who I want to be.  I wrote about how I wanted to look, what sort of things I wanted to do with my life, and what I thought was my place in the world.  Then Tony asked "What is stopping you?"  Well, I'm fat, I binge, I can't control my sugar intake, I am obsessed with eating and dieting.

Tony:  Is it a good trade?  Are the choices you are making BETTER than the reality you are trading them for? 


Blammo, to me, felt like Tony Robbins whacking me upside the head with a plank of wood.


Tony snuck his cheesy, inspirational self into my brain precisely at that moment when my defenses were down.  I could see clearly for the first time ever that the CHOICES and HABITS I engaged in on a daily basis were bringing me the opposite result of ALL the things in the world I ever wanted.  Changing the behavior would change the outcome.  I had heard this a million times before but this was the first time I really got it:  Was I going to lay down and accept defeat and live the next 60 years being this stranger hiding behind chunky necklaces, or was I going to fight for the person who lives inside of me who is full of beauty and life and has awesome, fun, exciting things to do in this world?  Not that fat people can't be beautiful or have great lives, I just knew that I, as a fat person, wouldn't.

Here's what happened next:  The HOW didn't matter anymore because I had a WHY.  Karen Knowler calls this "Your Big Why" and says that no goal can be reached without one.  In all my past attempts I had focused all my energy on the "How": lists of good vs bad foods, how many calories would I need to take in and how many would I need to burn, should I mix carbs with protein, eat low-carb, eat low-fat, dairy-free or dairy-rich, raw, vegan, atkins, south beach....  that's all "How" stuff, it doesn't really matter and it can take you off course.

"Why" trumps "How".  "Why" clears the deck, shows you the path, put blinders on the sides of your vision to eliminate distractions, and kicks boulders out of the way.  "Why" is different for every person and will be different at different times of one's life.  Again, to paraphrase Karen Knowler, your "Why" has to be big enough and juicy enough to give you goosebumps and make you want to RUN to it in an all-out sprint.

One more example:  If you are operating on "How", when someone passes a plate of your favorite food you think "Arg! I wish I could have that!  I am so deprived all the time, it's not fair, I deserve to have some fun too! waaaah!" All the pleasure is in that FOOD and all the pain is in saying No.  That. Is. Hard.

When your super exciting "WHY" is in charge and that plate of favorites comes around, you say "No the F-k Way!"  (sorry, but my "Why" swears like a sailor)  "What I am working for is so much more delicious and wonderful than that food could ever taste that I am not even tempted.  Be gone with you Dream Stealing Cupcake!" and you are so happy that you want to dance around like a Pussycat Doll singing "hahaha...hahaha"

So to wrap it up, I think our consciousness has all these layers.  We just have to keep peeling the layers until we get to the one that makes the difference.  And then, we have to keep peeling after that too because things are always changing.  That's pretty much the process I take clients through.  Sure we talk about brown rice and spinach, but I know that for most people that's the "How" stuff.  It sure can help, but I more important is helping them eek out their delectable "Why."


You know, as I went through the process of writing the last two posts, I think I peeled away the layer with the stomachache.  Maybe that'll be my next post...

The Spirit of Fortitude

Yesterday I finished reading The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls.  It got me thinking.  The story, basically, is about an extremely dysfunctional family:  parents who are unfit to parent, and their kids who could have followed in their depressing legacy of alcoholism, poverty, and hopelessness, but instead rose up and built adult lives of achievement and financial security.


I adore stories of people over-coming the odds.  I always root for the underdog.  I am utterly captivated and fascinated by the process whereby one decides to push past the barriers and accomplish the seemingly impossible.  I am totally obsessed with it, if you want to know the truth.


Lucky for me, it's also my job.


Day after day, I meet women who have been trying all of their lives to reduce their size and become the slim woman they dream of.  Not just slim of course, but also at peace with food, no longer hungry, no longer obsessed, no longer a slave to counting each calorie eaten and burned.  These women have been working on this ONE unaccomplished goal for 15, 20, 40 or even 50 years.  They have met with so much other achievement in life - phenomenal careers, the raising of amazing children, over-coming heartbreak, disease, financial crumble - and yet this one goal of SLIM has never been reached.  Or, even sadder, it has been reached briefly and then lost again.  Those woman forever cling to the memories of that brief shining moment when they were who they always wanted to be.


By the time they come to me, most women have usually tried a million diets and workout plans, some sensible, some crazy, each one going to be THE THING that will finally bring them what they want.


And it's not like they didn't try!  Holy cow, these are the strongest, bravest, most tenacious and stubborn women you will ever meet!  They work their asses off in pursuit of this one single all-consuming goal.  But it evades them time after time.


I often hear them say "I am so frustrated by this, I could just scream!" or "I just do not have the strength to give this one more try."


I get it.  I know this pain too.  I have been there too.  I screamed and cried and pounded my fists and pleaded with The Creator to please let me have this one thing I wanted so badly from the time I was 16 years old and chubbier than the rest of the girls.


And one day, seemingly out of the blue, I turned it around for myself.  One day "blammo" it all became clear and all I had to do was walk the walk.  Everything else fell away and step by step I walked all the way to my goal and stayed there.


But why?  What made me have "blammo" and why don't some other people have it?  Why do some of my clients sit across from me and I watch quite literally as their entire expression changes and they take this big deep breath and say "I get it.  I'm going to be OK now" and suddenly all the power they were using on the "battle" gets channeled into the success?  Yet others sadly go on struggling and fighting and doing the one-step-forward-one-step-back dance?


I wish I knew.  If I knew the answer to this question, I would bestow it on the world for all to share.  I study the question constantly.  I read book after book on the psychology of achievement and motivation, I pick the brains of my clients who have gotten it.  I ask "What was it that finally got through to you?" and they all say "I don't know." which is what I say too. 


For a long time, I was obsessed with survival literature.  You know, stories of the folks who get lost in the wilderness or in a disaster and some live and some die.  In the fascinating book Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies and Why by Laurence Gonzales, the author puts forth that there is some internal survival mechanism that only about 10% of the population seem to possess.  They do not see Death as an Option.


They do not see Death as an Option.


I did not see Fat as an Option.


I looked in the mirror and said "NO!  This isn't me.  This is not my life and I don't care how hard I have to work and how long it might take, I will never, ever, EVER give up, give in, or accept a different conclusion than the one I seek."


Blammo.


When the chips are down.  When it feels as though the entire world is against you.  When you have failed a billion trillion times.  When you think you have no strength left.  When you feel so humiliated you can't even look yourself in the eye.  When you are lost at sea in a tiny life boat.  Will you be the one to accept the fate that seems inevitable?  Or will you be the one to scrape your own guts off the pavement, stand up and say "NO, I am not finished yet."